Hibernating

I wonder so many things about the life cycle of a trauma. It's been five weeks since The Accident. Although it happened to DH, I feel as if I am going through it, too. In reality, I guess I am... by way of "feeling his pain," trying to be supportive, being concerned, trying to be sure he doesn't fall into depression, et al.

A few days after we got home from the hospital, I explained about the four phases of loss: denial, anger, sadness, and acceptance. I wonder if I did that too soon. He has bouts of sadness now and seems so shocked that big old He could succomb to sadness. He seems to feel embarassed about being sad, which makes it that much harder to work through. I encourage him to feel it, to examine that sadness, to go through it. Only by going through it can he get to the other side.

As for me, my calendar last week was so full I couldn't squeeze anything else in the little squares. Actually ran to the market late in the evening a couple of times -- unheard of in the past year since I quit working outside the home.

So this week, I deliberately, and somewhat belligerently (sp?) kept my calendar open. The only writing on the calendar for this week are PT appts, piano lesson, swim practice, church, and the church retreat this weekend.

Today I am beginning a new project that requires the use of an opaque projector -- I am making two floorcloths (24x36) for the kitchen floor. The design is a quilt sampler. I have a teeny-tiny template of what I want to do -- maybe 2x3", and need to hang my blank, primed floorcloth on the wall and project the image onto it so I can pencil it in. The place with an opaque projector I can use, opens at 9am, and it's near Little One's school. So I am at the nearby coffee house for an hour -- an hour to myself!! Saving gas by dropping her, hanging here, then to the place with the projector.

A friend has a wonderful gift shop out in the country on the grounds of her house, with lush gardens to stroll through and areas to have tea or luncheons (she caters them). I gave her a hand a week or two ago, and one of the other girls there makes these floorcloths. Rather than making them on canvas, as I have done before, she uses the back of vinyl flooring. Lasts forever, and doesn't scoot across the floor as badly. I've got plenty of acrylic paint, and got vinyl remnants for $1 from a nearby shop. She charges $25 for hers, and I can do this virtually free. We even have plenty of poly on hand, which is nice -- I have to put on about 6 coats after painting. It's for time like this that I blocked out my calendar this week. I think our adrenalin was so high during and following the Accident, that we just need a little time to crash.

However, we have been going to the Y in the mornings, and I think it has helped DH. Well, helped both of us. Yesterday we played racquetball, well, sort of -- we hit the ball around and had a blast. I think this is a really good way to get out frustrations. It didn't seem to hurt his hand, so I plan to play again soon.

My household schedule is totally out the window. Although he does not intrude in any way, just having him around changes the whole tenor of my day. I don't know why. I have finally come to the realization that being off my normal schedule just doesn't matter in the big picture.