It Takes a Village

I resisted the urge to post a different point the first time my DS2 posted "It does not take a village."

I resisted the urge the second time he said it.

Before I disagree, I hasten to comfort all my readers, well, both of them, well, I hasten to comfort myself, that DS2 and I have reached a higher plain on disagreeing. We have discussed it. We both understand that we can gently disagree and the other will shrug, and say, well, that's my boy. ..Or in his case, well, that's my crazy mom.

In our case it does take a village. I am older as a pseudo-mom for our 13-year-old granddaughter, and I wish I had had this perspective when I was a younger mom to my own children.

I was so anxious to be the perfect mom, all self-sufficient, I would not let anyone help. Hardly let anyone enjoy holding the babies. Felt I would be imposing.

Nowadays I impose all over the danged place. I have agreements with two other moms of girls in LO's circle: if you hear anything dangerous about my child, call me. If I hear anything, I will call you. In the meanwhile, we have called each other on occasion when we thought something was going on, but were not sure. Example. One mom called me, concerned her child was not socializing adequately. She asked me to discreetly ask LO how the girl was getting along.

It does take a village.

An adult advisor in LO's Sunday School let on that LO is texting during Confirmation Class. Very un-cool.

Another adult had a talk with me about LO's behavior. I won't share what sort of behavior it was, as it's our private business. But the tipoff allowed me to have a meaningful chat with LO. Not a wrath of God chat, but a, how's-it-going-how-does-this-feel, chat that led to responses, behaviors, and greater understanding on both sides.

LO's band director has had great influence in both her musical development and her self-esteem. He has encouraged her, praised her, and taught her a ton that we aren't qualified to teach.

Her principal has given her a new way to look at things. He named a room for her. Talk about self-esteem.

Her music teacher talks with her about friendships and her thoughts in addition to showing her how to play the piano.

Our neighbors all watch out for each other's kids. I myself have ratted kids out before for riding without a helmet, and their parents appreciated it. The kids had helmets on the next time, I sure noticed.

Her Confirmation sponsor spent 2 hours on a hot afternoon with a broken leg watching LO play, and win, a tennis match.

The mom of another tennis player spent 5 afternoons a week, 3 hours an afternoon, coaching the top 6 players on the team. For free. The tennis team this year was huge. This freed up the tennis coach to teach the other 14 girls how to play. LO loves her and runs to kiss her when she sees her. She worked hard on her tennis this year, paid greater attention, chatted less, practiced more. At first I think she wanted to please the tennis mom. Through it she learned discipline, and actually saw great improvement in her game. It all turned into wanting to do better, for herself.

Her demanding, strict, AG English teacher scared her to death in the 6th grade. LO resented her in the 7th grade. This year, she has grown to love her and appreciate all she has learned from her. She has mentioned to me that this teacher is preparing her for high school with her high demands.

Other positive adults have lots of influence on LO, and we encourage it. We keep an eye on it, but we encourage it.

In our home, it does take a village.