Recent conversations

He: Are these Yukon Gold potatoes?
She: Yes. You don't care for them, do you?
He: What don't you like about them?
She: No, I said, 'You don't care for them, do you?' "
He: I don't like them either.
She: I like them.
He: Why not?

And you guys wonder why I'm a little daft in the head sometimes.

Landscaping

My DMIL is helping me think what to plant in (and take out of) our pitiful yard. Her help has already been great: This doesn't live long, this lasts forever, this is great for shade, this does well in sun. You can find this stuff in books but it is much more credible coming from her. She has one of those yards where people slow down while driving through the neighborhood. It really is lovely.

I was assigned to notice what I like in neighbors' yards, so my new camera and I took a walk (or three) this afternoon. The cam is great but the chip that came with it is so small that I can only take 4 to 6 pictures, then I have to run home, unload the chip, and run back out again.

In lieu of sending her the pics one-by-one, as necessitated by our email server, I am posting them so that all of you can enjoy these lovely yards as well. These yards are all in our great neighborhood.

This little yard doesn't really have any shrubs I want to copy, but I have included it because I am so proud of our sweet neighbor for being selected Landscape of the Month. She all but trims her foliage with manicure scissors. The tree in the left gets a blunt cut every year so that not one leaf is awry. I have actually observed her sweeping the ceiling of her porch. (Doesn't everyone?) (Not me.)
You can barely see her sitting on her porch. She wanted to step out of the way before I took the photo but I insisted she stay. I am so proud of her.

This house is the back-door neighbor to the house above, and it won Landscape of the Month last year. These are the only 2 houses in the 'hood that have won it, and they sit back-to-back. This yard does have several elements I want to integrate: I love the little "hedgehog" bushes atop the wall. DH says they are Helleri holly. If we got some, could he prune ours to look like hedgehogs, too? I should know the name of the lovely flowers spilling over the wall, but I do not. It's in lots of pretty yards and I think we need some of that, too. I'm afraid you can't see their backyard white picket fence. I fantasize of having a picket fence.

They have a little Japanese maple in the far right foreground, which we have discussed. The clematis on the light post is a bit congested to me; it appears as if the light can't breathe. But, who am I to criticize? I love this yard and think they have done an awesome job. What you can't see is the tiny St. Francis fountain tucked into the garden to the right of the stairs, under that double window.

Part of our yard is shady and this yard seems so cool and refreshing, although we do not want any more ivy. We have some. It was busily asphyxiating our pecan trees when we bought the house and DH beat it into submission. I do like the potted dracena by the steps.

This house faces the same direction as our house and I think they do a nice job with it.

This is my gf's house. There are 3 of us and all our names start with "M." We were a fearsome threesome but one of us moved so now I fear we are the gruesome twosome. She just put some Angelina Stonecrop in front of her fence for a shock of chartreuse and I was pleased to be able to call its name as I saw it at the nursery last week.

Here is the view of her front yard inside the gate. I needed to get another shot as she has flowers in other areas, but the data chip filled up and it was time to go home. She also has beautiful tea roses that cascade over the fence when they bloom.

She designed this walk and resting area and had someone install it when she had the fence built. It is a 9000% improvement over the way it looked before.

So, that is the mini-tour. As to our own plans? Still pretty much a blank slate. I am sure I will post any improvements as we make them.

Hidden Meaning?

No, no meaning at all. I was sitting at the dinner table, reading the manual for the new camera, while dinner was cooking on the stove. It was the nearest subject to try the camera out on.

Aww How Sweet

Ever watch "Jon & Kate Plus 8"? It comes on TLC on Monday nights. It's the reality TV show that follows a couple who had twins, then 4 years later had sextuplets. When it started, they had 2, 6-year-olds, and 6, 2-year-olds.

My DIL doesn't care for it because the mom (Kate) is a little harsh with her children. And, she is. It's a fair appraisal. I still watch it. Not sure why, unless it's just the open-mouthed wondering, "How do they survive from day to day?"

Nonetheless, the husband (Jon) has a digital camera that he can handle and Kate cannot. Every time they have an outing, Kate establishes, "I hate that camera." Sometimes she even says, "I loathe that camera."

My own husband has a digital camera and I am absolutely certain it is the same exact camera Jon has. I loathe it.

At one time I fancied myself to be quite the photographer. I have an old gf who still has an 11x14 matted & framed photograph that I took, hanging in her living room, over the mantel. I have a Canon EOS from the 1980's that rocked. We took lots of pictures together (the camera and I).

Now it's old, not digital, and needs repair, and at some point I just parked it. Our town is so small that it does not have a camera shop (the great steamroller WalMart rolls over another business) and, besides, we have a digital camera.

I cannot take ONE decent picture with The Monster. I loathe it. It's not that I'm incompetent; I was quite the systems analyst in my day, and have done quite nicely with much better, and more expensive, and more complicated, cameras. This camera just sucks. At a recent band concert, some friends' camera's battery died. Right there in the concert. "Here, use ours," I told the husband. I figured since he has a penis (I guess he does), he can take pictures with it. Aha. Even his pictures came out crappy. So it's not just me. And, it's not a woman thing. Our friend proved it.

DH has made light of my distaste for The Monster until one day a couple of weeks ago, I politely said, "PLEASE get me a simple digital camera for Mother's Day. One that doesn't weigh 8 pounds. One that has a "click and go" feature. One that I can actually use."

I was very clear.

Well.

DH was recently notified that his 20th anniversary is upcoming at work. His HR folks pointed him to an online catalog and identified what gifts he can select.

How nice a guy is this. He chose (1) a gold charm with 3 tiny diamonds in it, and (2) a simple, small, lightweight camera. Both for...moi.

Aww.

The camera arrived today.

Will post pics very soon.

I Hope I Live to see the History Books

I am sad about this because ours is a great nation and deserves better.

Just Corn

You so totally don't care I can't resist blogging this.

I just love to eat white shoepeg corn straight out of the can with a large spoon. I do it once or twice a year. Room temp. No salt, no butter. Straight from the can. I NEVER DID THIS IN ALABAMA SO DON'T BLAME IT ON THAT!!

That is all.

Comfort Zone

Much of the literature about keeping our minds sharp says to continue to challenge our minds, to try new things, to make our minds work hard, to stay bright as we age. This makes sense to me. I know that muscles get weaker when they are not used, so it is logical to me that the mind needs continued challenges to stay strong, as well.

I hated Sudoku at first. I couldn't understand the fascination with it. Now that I have discovered the online, timed version, I am a true addict. I tend to play 2 or 3 times a day. I reported in an earlier blog that I was down to 5 minutes, 8 seconds. That was on February 19. I also reported at that time that I thought I was dropping a second a week.

Well, I just checked the calendar and that was 8 weeks ago. My average time is now 4:59, which would mean that I have dropped 9 seconds in 8 weeks. Tada.

My DS2 challenged me several years ago to hit the "Espanol" button on the debit card machine at the grocery store. I still do it every now and then just to shock the ol' cerebellum. And now I am really trying to learn to crochet, which is so hard when my patient DIL is not around to guide me. I select a stitch out of the little booklet I have, and make a 6" square or so, to use for dishcloths in the kitchen. I am coming along, although my last one was definitely a trapezoid, not a square.

Beethoven went deaf, Van Gogh went insane. I knew a very handsome and vain fellow once who had AIDS. His greatest fear was that he would get the cancerous lesions on his face, and of course, he did. My own fear is that all my years of drinking Diet Coke will cause me to go daft in the head. It would be just too ironic if I did. So me and the old brain are workin out every day.

Meditation

Some of my friends know that I occasionally use a guided meditation, typically when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. They have asked me to make a note in my blog so they can find it, and here it is.

If you have iTunes, you can get to a FREE large library of her work by going to podcasts, then fitness & nutrition, then find "Meditation Station." Or, you can just search for Meditation Station to start with. It is a free subscription and it downloads a new meditation to your library oh, every month, I think.

I wish I could link to an audio file of her work here, but I don't think I can. Hope this helps.

There are those who will say you can't be a Christian and believe in meditating, and to you I say, with all respect, I disagree. :)

Eww

Several times in the past week it came up in the conversation with family & friends that I was going to the doctor's office today for some minor surgery. I had 3 spots with little growths inside. I had had them for quite some time and they were very uncomfortable. Finally my md recommended I go to the surgeon and have them removed.


It's no surprise to anyone that I asked a zillion questions before, after, and DURING the surgery. I asked to see each mass as he removed them, that is, I asked him beforehand. I did rely on my meditation podcasts during the actual cutting part. Agh. In fact, I asked so many questions that he was not at all surprised when I asked if I could take a picture of one. His chuckle sort of said, "I expected you to ask."


This surgeon has virtually no bedside manner, is quite dry and knows nothing about modesty. Example. One of the masses was on my upper thigh. So they lay me out with my sleeveless shirt on and just panties, with a sheet over my waist-to-feet. He removes the 2 masses from my arms first and then has me roll over so he can incise my thigh. Moving the sheet, he places it on my calves. Hello? Could you possibly cover my, possibly, my butt? Notice it? The rather large round thing right in your FACE? There's room. It would not interfere. What obscure culture are you from, where modesty covers the CALF?


I knew about his klutziness beforehand, though, from the initial evaluation, and anticipated such behavior. I considered wearing a THONG and using a Sharpie to put a happy face on my buttocks, but, alas, I ran out of time.


I shouldn't mock the man. He removed them expertly with little pain for me. Of course I asked if I could take a pic.


1.9 centimeters in diameter. Although I thought one was larger, one was smaller, and one was medium, they were all about the same size, and just felt different depending on how deep they were. I had one removed a few years ago and it was diagnosed as an angiolipoma. They think these are, too.

Yes, it's gross. But as you know, I am the Curious Writer.

SPARQ

I am a member of a group and I don't even know what our acronym stands for. How's that. Well, I have heard it before, so I do know for sure that it is not evil or anything. The letters stand for qualities to which we aspire. Still, I don't recall what they are.

What I do know is that this group is wonderful. We meet weekly to encourage our creative spirits. We are studying the book, The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron. In fact, our group is an "Artist's Way" group. If you were to Google artists way, you would have zillions of hits; there are artist's way groups around the world. It started out as an undergroound movement and over the years has become pretty mainstream.

One project we have had is the Shared Painting. At the beginning of a quarter, each of us starts a painting on a canvas. Each week, a different member takes our painting and adds to it. By the end of the quarter, each of us a completed painting to take home, with contributions from each member in it. We have learned about conquering fear, having confidence, and letting go through this exercise.

It's my hope that next time we do this we can be more consistent in each person signing the back stretchers on the canvas with a thought, quote or word of encouragement for the owner, including the dates.

We just completed our 2nd painting and I brought mine home last night. Here it is.

I started the painting with only the tropical foliage in the upper left and lower right corners. The next person added the black background and the flowers as she had seen them in a recent email that went around with photos of the "parrot flowers" from Thailand. In succession, each person added more and more to the picture. One person added the curly yellow embellishments. Another added the caterpillar and more leaves. Finally, the last person added the three dimensional butterfly.

Who is Randy Pausch...

...and why are we hearing so much about him?

About a month or two ago, I created a new email address for myself. You don't need to know the address -- it's just for junk mail. So I can visit a new book store and when they want to give me a discount for simply giving them my email address, this is the address I give them. Alllll the junk goes to this address and I never have to clean it out.
Hypothetically.
Well. It had been a couple of months and it occurred to me that I couldn't remember whom I had given this address to. Had I used it at all? So I accessed it and it turns out I must have only given it to said book store. Because that's all the email I had in it -- 22 emails from this bookstore. In two months.
I scanned the email headers and chose to open only one of them: "The Year's Most Inspiring Book."
The email referred to a new book out by Randy Pausch, named The Last Lecture. He's a professor at Carnegie Mellon University, where they have had for some time a lecture series entitled, "The Last Lecture." The theory is that speakers come and say what they would say if it were their last speech. Dr. Pausch was invited to speak, and his lecture had one twist: he actually is dying.
It's odd to me that I ran across this book in such a random way and the very next day, my DS2 had a nanosecond alone with me and shared that the family had heard the coolest lecture on the radio in their recent travels. It was by a fairly young guy who is dying...
"And he talks about childhood dreams?" I asked. "His name is Randy Pausch."
Apparently the video has been quite popular on the internet. I know it's an hour long, but it might make your life richer. Check it out.

True Recycling

Every spring I recall the time DH and I had 2 girls visit for a few days. They were strangers when they arrived, performing in a traveling international goodwill show. The custom was to find people in the community to open their homes and have the performers sleep over and eat your food. The local organizer had contacted me as they needed vegetarian hosts for some of the kids.

DH is by nature suspicious of any new ideas, and initially rankled at the thought. We had not been married too awfully long, however, and at that phase I was still able to exert a teensy bit of influence. He finally recanted and we invited the strangers into our home.

It was spring and our weeping cherry has never been prettier. All of Small Town USA was blooming and these girls acted as if they had never seen nature before. Now each year when the cherry tree blooms, I recall that visit and the changes it wrought.

One of the girls was from the faraway country of Colorado, age 19, and the other was from Switzerland, age 22. Our NDN also hosted 2 kids, a girl from Japan and a boy from Brazil.
I guess they stayed at the house for the better part of a week. One stayed in the room we kept for LO -- we did not yet have custody in those days -- and the other stayed in the guest room upstairs.

Some hosts take their kids to theme parks or whitewater rafting, but we chose to give them a simple life. They lived on the road and traveled from strange house to strange house for a year. It has to get unsettling after a while. So we pampered them, made email available, cooked up a storm. DH played guitar for them and I believe we had a bonfire in the backyard one night. If we didn't, we should have. I do remember a couple of fires in the fireplace. Anyway, we tried to be the calm, peaceful hosts.

The girls appreciated it so much.

The Colorado girl was a ski instructor and the Swiss girl was a teacher. Both attended college, and had taken a break for this experience; the Colorado girl was in undergrad and the Swiss girl was pursuing her Masters.

The last night of their stay, a tiny episode occurred that made a huge change in my life. Isn't that the way it always is? It's always the tiniest things that make the biggest impacts.

We were getting ready to go to their performance. I was wearing my Timberland boots, the pale suede ones that lace up. They sort of look like work boots. I was hurriedly tying them there in the kitchen, and one of the laces broke off in my hand. I probably said, "Damn!" and started un-lacing them to put on another pair of shoes. You see, I have been raised in this overconsuming, American way of life so that my only instinct was to park the boots until I bought more laces.
"Wait a minute," the Swiss girl said. She knelt in front of me and tied the broken portion back onto the part in my boot. She patiently re-wound the laces back around the posts and tied them. "There," she smiled.

I can still feel the warmth from the cartoon light bulb that appeared over my head. Her simple act opened up a totally new way of life for me. I still have those boots and they still have that mended lace in them.

Living responsibly is NOT about buying new things, even if they are hyped as being more environmentally sound. It is about using what you have until you can't use it any longer. Like caring tenderly for a decrepit old house. Like mending tears and holes. And yes, DH, like pulling the nails out of old boards you have removed while renovating, so that you can use them again. (I like to call that one Nail Hell.) Then, once you finally have to replace something, yes, you try to make a better choice on what materials to select.

I will never see our Swiss friend again, but here is a big cyberspace Thank You to her for illuminating me. You opened up a whole new world for me.

Postscript to the story. During the visit, DH had good quality time with each of the girls. He talked with them about their homes. He ran with the Swiss girl. She taught him about Peppermint Oil after a run to soothe those leg muscles. He shared his music and quiet times. Remember, this was 'way before all the grandbabies, we just had the one, and before either DIL. This sharing was all new territory for him. So on the fifth day we took the girls to their bus to travel to the next town. We loaded all their stuff, hugged good-bye, and waved til the bus was out of sight.

Walking to DH's truck, I was just sure I heard a big ol' SNIFF. Yep, he had a manly tear rolling down his manly face. I believe he had a light bulb that week, too.

Spring

Bloomed in the yard on Wednesday.

Crazy Week

It's a lovely spring day. Our 10 houseguests left on Wednesday and we spent yesterday straightening. I only have 6 loads of laundry left to run and now I have a moment to reflect on the visit.

THE WEATHER. Weather was generally crappy with scattered nice. Rained off and on the first few days. The babies already had the nice habit of shedding shoes at the door so it was not a problem on the floors, but we wanted them to have lots of nice outdoors play to help with their sleeping. The weather cleared up the last day or two of their visit so they got to play both in the backyard and at the park. On those days they slept well.
THE FOOD. Was not as organized as I thought I was. Lots of times folks were standing around wondering what to eat. If I had it to do over again, I would make everything way ahead, freeze it, and warm it up when it was time. Much of the visit was a blur of sandwich-making, one loaf at a time.
THE SCHEDULE. I had several meetings I could not miss and of course the mentoring had to proceed regardless. The family took all this right in stride. We did not have time to visit the exotic animal ranch but the kids took delight in simple play so I guess it turned out okay.
THE KIDS. What can I say? Delightful. Each of them is well-behaved, articulate, and bright as a new penny. Their capacity for original thought amazed me. I tried to give each of them a chore and they all out-performed their normal age capacity. DS2's daughter and I had "makeup time" together 3 mornings and it was such fun! She loves to put it on and I just let her go at it. That being said, I hid all the red lipstick beforehand so all she had to work with were foundation, powder and eye shadow. So even after globbing it on, she still looked pretty subtle. She felt so pretty! And we had nice girl time in this way.
The boys are gentle and diplomatic. They are creative. They have excellent critical thinking skills. Their townhouse in DC did not really have a yard so they enjoyed ours. Before they left, I asked the elder if he had a good time. He smiled and said, "Yes." Then he turned back to me and said, with a bright face, "A weally good time!"
DS1 did not stay long so I didn't have much time with his little ones, but of course, they are not moving out of the country for three years. DS1 and his wife seem very proud that their children can recite the periodic table and all the planets. They really can do it! Me, I hope they learn Humpty Dumpty and Jack & Jill as well. There's only one childhood, and it's over so quickly.
THE ADULTS. Had some lovely time with DDIL. We saw a movie, we went to yoga, she patiently showed me crochet, we chatted, and she made me yet another grocery bag. I was so upset to have lost one she made me earlier. I do believe she is the most thoughtful person I ever met. She spent some time making crocheted balls, 1.5" in diameter, with little jingle bells in the middle, just in case there is a fussy baby on the plane to Japan. She bragged and cooed and made over my well-meaning attempt to crochet a dishcloth as if it were the Mona Lisa of needle art. (It's not.) I will definitely miss her.
My boys are both attentive and sweet dads. I would love to have had a dad like them. I observed them segue from playful to strict to encouraging with wonder and awe.
DH has really learned how to grandparent, amazing to me as he had to learn parenting and grandparenting all at one go. This visit he was really "into it" and enjoyed all the babies. He pushed swings. He grilled. He took photos at the park. He crept off and held our newest, Anna Sophia, quietly in a secluded corner. He looked at her with such love and wonder -- I watched him from far off and tried to freeze the image in my head.
LITTLE ONE. Handled having our home overturned much better than I had anticipated! (She cherishes our usually-peaceful environment.) All the visitors respected her room as virtually off-limits until the last night, when we needed her bed for DS1 and DDIL. She accepted this with grace. She played board games, shared toys, included the 5 & 7-year-olds on Roller Coaster Tycoon. She held babies, played, and encouraged.
Her school talent show was this week. Typically, when she has a band concert or assembly or other event, it's always just DH and myself, and sometimes only me if DH has to work. I regret this sometimes when the other kids have parents, grandparents, even aunties present. We truly compensated for this, this week, when all 12 of us attended her school talent show. The toddlers, bigger kids and infant were polite and quiet. Even though LO is 12 and could have easily blown them off, she scurried to hold them in her lap until time for her to perform. I was proud. And, I really appreciated the support the fam gave her on her performance.
THE ASSESSMENT. It was a great visit, at a time when visits are pretty rare, and getting rarer. How many miles to Okinawa? Hmm. webflyer.com calculates it at 7,820. I had a good moment or two with each person. Yes, the food could have been better planned. But every person had a bed, even if it was shared; no one had an argument; the clutter was definitely well-managed; and everyone chipped in and helped. Most of all, there was lots of love and support.

THANK YOU FOR COMING.

Love,
Mom

Talent Show

Little One decided to play, "Wait for You" for the annual school talent show. This is the song sung by Elliott Yamin from American Idol. Yes, he's the one who had his teeth fixed.

At the audition, she was advised by the, well, the advisor, that this is more of a vocal piece than an instrumental, and she would need to play and sing it. YIKES! Immediate pre-teen trauma.

She practiced for a month. We scheduled extra time with her piano teacher for voice coaching. Those who were selected for the show (yes, some were not selected) have practiced after school for 2 weeks. The three of us have undergone tears, hours of endless playing, and yes, a teensy bit of crabby behavior.

Here is where we thank the Talent Show Advisor (aka Awesome Band Director) and Piano Teacher (superstar of the earth) for their patient support of a sometimes cranky preteen.

This is the result. At the end of the video, you can hear someone yell, "YEAH!" That would be DH.

The Table

So we went to church today, all of us, in three vehicles. DH first in Edison, to practice with the band at 7:30. DS2, DDIL and 3 GB's in the van, and LO and me in Zelda, all at 8:40 for the contemporary service.

I had prepped the kids first. There will be a children's service, but the pastor will call you up to the steps to sit just so he can tell you the story in a good kids' way. You don't have to go up. But I want you to know he isn't going to take you out of the room, and you won't have to go to a class afterward. You just come right back and sit with us again. Oh, and, all the slow music you have heard in church? Our service has happy, fast music that's fun to sing. Papaw will play the guitar and the chubby man is great on the drums.

Well, Papaw played the guitar all right, and the chubby man rocked, as usual, on the drums, but we did not have children's church because today was Communion day, and that would take too long. We did not sing fast, happy songs. We sang fairly slow, dreary contemporary songs, definitely not the ones I would have chosen for the oneandonly day my dear GBs visit.

So when I saw the Table laid for Communion, I whispered to DDIL, "I didn't realize today was Communion Sunday, but I want to let you know at our church it is open to all who believe in Christ." She smiled and nodded.

The 2 grandsons did a super job of listening and being still. DGD is only 3 and she sat with Mommy for quite a while before I asked her to sit on Nana's lap. We tried my rings on all her fingers, she shone the sparkles from my earrings around, and she made faces in my compact for a few minutes.

Then it was time for Communion. "We are going to have a little cracker and a cup of juice to remember Jesus, okay?" I took her hand and joined the line. As she approached the Elders, they smiled and stooped down to offer the bread and wine to her. She was a perfect little lady as she took only one cracker and carefully took the tiny cup of grape juice. We walked back the seats in silence and I was thanking God for this angelic little girl. She had done it! It went so well. We situated in the chairs, she ate the toast and drank the juice. Then she turned to me and said in a good, clear, voice, "That was good, Nana, but I'm still hunnngry."

Aren't grandchildren great?

The Visit

Visiting for 5 days are my DS2, my DDIL, and their 3 awesome kids. Oh, and their gorgeous bearded collie, Nigel. We have had so many quotables already.
We are a blogging family, and much as I hate to admit it, before logging on here to blog, I sneaked a peek at DDIL's blog to see what she had to say about our visit, even though she is just upstairs reading to the babies, and I could ask her myself, in a few. Sigh. That's just how we communicate, by blog.
Twice in one hour today, we commented that this or that was a bloggable moment. We came up with a new descriptor: totally bloggable.
The children have done so well for being away from home, make that, not actually having a home at the moment. They will fly to Japan in 10 days, closed out their house in DC this week, and are visiting family in-between. I am so thankful they are staying for a nice long visit here.
Already we have visited the park, learned to play Othello, jousted with the Papo knights, and had a Japanese lesson.
I have been wanting to crochet cotton dishcloths, vintage-style, for years, and DDIL has patiently shown, and re-shown me how to complete this stitch or that. I am already half done with one dishcloth and already have my eye on another.
Tomorrow we will experience seeing Papaw play guitar at church. In the afternoon, DDIL, LO and I are taking a Girls' Date to see 27 Dresses. The men will tend babies and grill chicken, weather permitting.
Monday DDIL is visiting my yoga class and the grandbabies are taking a field trip to the school where I mentor, to see what they don't have to suffer (ie, standing in line, waiting while Teacher corrects other children, doing work we already understand...). It is Book Fair day and I promised my mentees I would come for lunch and take them to the Book Fair.
Finally, we are waiting for sunshine so we can enjoy the park.

The Felon

So, it was last Wednesday. Gorgeous spring day, warm. The mockingbirds were singing to high heaven, the sun was shining, and all was right with the world.



It was 9:00. I had already taken Little One to school, tutored my Bright Young Lad at the elementary school, and had a good cuppa java. I was motoring through Nearby Small Town, probably humming, and listening to -- you guessed it, NPR on the radio.



The first thing I noticed was the wild look on the officer's face as his car approached mine. He was facing me, and he wore the stricken look that a man wears when he catches a very large fish. Or when the attractive neighbor leaves her blinds open. That look of, of.."PAYDAY!"



He flipped on his blue lights and hung a Louie right there in the middle of the road.



I

was

nabbed.



OK, so I have lived in NC for 15 years now and this is the FIRST speeding ticket I have gotten since moving here.



I did ask him not to give me a ticket. Told him I was on the way to yoga class, and it would totally ruin my Karma.



He didn't care.



So for the past 5 days, I have done the only thing I could do in a case like this.



I ignored it.



Finally, today, I addressed it, and I have to say it is quite a maze for the uninitiated.



I asked the policeman at the time how much the fine would be. In fact, there is a blank on the back of the ticket where he was supposed to fill in what the fine would be. He told me I would have to call. He did not mention that the number I needed to call is nowhere to be found on the stupid ticket, nor on the accompanying "ATTENTION MOTORIST" information.



Because the fine is payable at the Clerk of Court's office, I looked that number up in the phone book.



Not in there.



So I called the County's general administrative number and got it. Called. The fine is: $170.



$170.



Do I get a cut rate for not having had a ticket in the past?



No. The charge is $170.



These people have absolutely no sense of humor. Didn't care about my Karma. Don't care about my frikkin clean record.



$170.



So, I explain, I haven't had a ticket before and I have heard that I have to have points on my record from this. Can you explain it?



Call the DMV.



Do you have the number?



No.



So I look up the number in the phone book. Actually, the only number listed is the local Driver's License office. So I call it and they refer me to the NC DMV. At least they have the number.



So I call the State DMV in Raleigh. And while I'm on hold, (for FORTY minutes) it occurs to me, how extremely difficult this is. How hard would it be for someone without the literacy to get all these numbers? Without the assertion to speak up for himself? To ask questions? For someone without the means to stay on hold, long distance, for FORTY minutes? (Actually I did not pay for long distance for forty minutes; we have digital phone service so all our calls, in North America anyway, are included in one flat, and very cheap, rate.) But, what if I could not afford digital service? And, btw, it was not a 1-800 number.

I have to remark here on how idiosyncratic the voice system is at the NCDMV. After pressing "1" for this and "2" for that, the recording says, "Attention, attention! Please notice that we are experiencing heavier-than-normal call volume. Please hang on the line and your call will be answered in the order that it arrived." ...all of which is pretty normal, except the "attention, attention" part. Having made it through that part, the hanging-on part is punctuated every 120 seconds by, "Please be aware that our operators are busy helping callers just like you. We appreciate your patience." I wonder if they are just like me. Tall? Chubby? Delusions of intelligence? Addicted to Smithsonian Magazine, Wall Street Journal, and online Sudoku?

Finally I get Donald at "the call center." How odd to me that the DMV has a call center. He takes my information and confirms that I have a totally clean record. This episode will give me 2 points on my driving record. Is that bad? I ask. What are the repercussions? Well, if you accumulate 12 points within 3 years, you lose your license. How much will my insurance go up? Well, he says, this is DMV points. Your insurance company will give you your insurance points. You have to call them and ask them.

I call our auto insurance office. We use a local carrier for a well-known national insurance company. We use them for our homeowners and auto insurance. We have used them since we were married 13 years ago. It is actually a relief to talk to someone with some customer service skills. She tells me that this will put 1 point on my insurance record. That it will not cost me much, only $50 to $100 additional on my insurance, every 6 months for 3 years.

This is 300 to 600 dollars out of our pockets. You don't think this is much money?

I also find out, I won't say where, that I can likely go to the DA and ask for a Prayer for Judgment. This is saying, in effect, "I have a totally clean driving record, so, please, dear Judge, won't you consider this a Big Terrible Warning and let's overlook the whole nasty incident?" If he allows it, I get off just paying court costs, no points on either my driving record or my insurance. How much are court costs? "Only" 60 to 90 dollars. It will help if I go online to NCDMV and order a certified copy of my clean driving record. Take that with me when I visit the DA's office.

So. My options are:

1. Pay $170 fine, suffer 2 driving points and 1 insurance point, and pay a total of $300-600 over 3 years.
2. Pay an attorney somewhere around $500, suffer no points, suffer no increase in insurance. (Come to think of it, he probably does the PFJ thing himself.)
3. Visit the DA's office, ask for a PFJ, pay $11 for the certified driving record, pay $60-90 court costs.

For now, I am opting for #3.

And, I am watching my speed. My Karma is still a little off.